| wow. i am full of cliche.... |
[13 Oct 2008|07:31pm] |
but seeing my childhood best friend getting married, being so in love, AND being exactly as silly and wonderful as she always was kind of made me ache to be there right now.
tick tick tick.. hahha
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[15 Sep 2008|11:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
i need to get myself together.
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| if you cant find me |
[08 Jul 2008|08:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nostalgic |
] |
the world probably swallowed me whole.
its exhausting to love this much.
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| adventures |
[27 May 2008|01:06am] |
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wow. i really needed one!
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| i wonder about that |
[01 May 2008|12:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
i wish that someone would tell me why things have changed.
sometimes i do believe there is value in talking things through if that needs to be.
i feel frustrated that im left guessing so often...
ugh.
i am also frustrated by my body. i am training really hard and it doesnt seem to be changing much.
it is really difficult when everyone around you is thin and you are the only chubby one of the group.
im sick of feeling like a fucking monster in comparison. i didnt used to feel this way. somehow i have gotten more insecure lately.
well done nora
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| hmm this is an old entry that auto saved? |
[01 May 2008|12:02pm] |
Oh hey LJ, long time my friend.
Is the winter over yet? I really want some short sleeves, board shorts and porchin it real soon before I lose my mind.
It is interesting how quickly someone who meant alot to you can fade away.
I do not like getting calls from my boss at 8 AM.
I am cold and I really need some quality sleep.
I ran into an old client of mine today and she was so happy to see me. These things make me smile.
I have finally let go of some badness in my life.
I would really like to find out what this chantix shit is all about.
I would like someone to fix my bikes so I can look forward to warm weather even more.
Soccer
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| so young and so nora |
[03 Jan 2008|10:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cold |
] |
well lj, this was quite the year.
i am so happy to say goodbye to it (and yes im well aware that calenders are a man made concept.) but sometimes something has got to give. and i believe it was the date that i needed to change my mindset.
i have been exhausted emotionally lately. it has gotten a whole lot worse as of late. mostly because i spend the majority of my time convincing myself that all is right with the world and then after a few beverages my subconscious tells me the truth.
i fully plan on dealing with things as they come up from now on as clearly the emotions vomit technique is far too tiresome.
im ready to be posicore again. it is too much work being so sad all the time.
i truly believe that things are going to start feeling better. though of course i recognize that time is the only true healer. tallboys dont fix feelings they either dull them or exacerbate them.
my friends have certainly weathered a trying year of my friendship. im glad for that.
say goodbye to the doldrums.
get ready to rock.
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| happy christmas! love lulu |
[24 Dec 2007|03:58pm] |
these both make me pretty happy...
#1
Dear Editor—
I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The Sun, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?
Virginia O’Hanlon
Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
#2
Keeping Christmas
Henry Van Dyke
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is a better thing than the observance of Christmas day, and that is, keeping Christmas.
Are you willing...
to forget what you have done for other people, and to remember what other people have done for you;
to ignore what the world owes you, and to think what you owe the world;
to put your rights in the background, and your duties in the middle distance, and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the foreground;
to see that men and women are just as real as you are, and try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy;
to own up to the fact that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life;
to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness.
Are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.
Are you willing...
to stoop down and consider the needs and desires of little children;
to remember the weakness and loneliness of people growing old;
to stop asking how much your friends love you, and ask yourself whether you love them enough;
to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear in their hearts;
to try to understand what those who live in the same home with you really want, without waiting for them to tell you;
to trim your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front so that your shadow will fall behind you;
to make a grave for your ugly thoughts, and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open—
Are you willing to do these things, even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.
Are you willing...
to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world—
stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death—
and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the Eternal Love?
Then you can keep Christmas.
And if you can keep it for a day, why not always?
But you can never keep it alone.
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| around is a circle |
[09 Dec 2007|04:36pm] |
oh hey livejournal!
i have been neglecting you.
well. shit... where to start?
I feel like I am still waiting. Waiting for the right time, the right person, the right situation so that i can let go of my inhibitions and be happy again. Don't get me wrong. I am a happy person. I love my family. I love my friends. I have a good time.
I don't really trust that anything good will stay though. I live in fear of endings whether happy or otherwise.
I feel let down. I have worked so hard to avoid a jaded outlook and a bad attitude and I have let myself trust despite my better judgment. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all right?.... Riiiiiight.
I am so glad for christmas time right now. I need that goodwill toward men outlook and it is a good time to remind people that you adore them without getting laughed at for being too mushy... well at least you can not get laughed at as much. Depending on your audience.
I am having a difficult time resolving myself to the fact that some answers you will never get. I have no frame of reference and I feel a bit lost. I guess patience is the only real answer.
Patience, the gym, and music....
I feel as though i could go on with this entry but it would be more of the same. But feel free to offer insight or candy.
Like my dad says 'if you really love something, let it go'
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| and now whatever way our stories end, i know you have rewritten mine by being my friend |
[23 Sep 2007|11:39pm] |
i really hope 2007 ends soon.
but in other news.. i had a wonderful weekend. Saturday i went hiking with Kim and it was really beautiful and nice to do something outdoorsy before the winter comes. then we had a huge house party and it was so nice to have everyone together. it made me feel better like i could breathe again. joey, im sooo happy to have you. im glad you could come. <3 then sunday erin and i spent all day in bed napping and eating indian food and then napping again.. then around 4 we got up, got dolled up and went to see wicked! erin bought me tickets and it was the most wonderful night ive had in forever. i love my friends so much.
my dad was really skinny when i saw him at the funeral and he was talking alot about how my grandpa saved him and we wouldnt have a family if grandpa didnt step up and be a dad to him when his own family never could. it broke my heart but made me realize that i have an extraordinary family and i was glad to be with them. my dad starts his second round of chemo tomorrow and i know he is so strong but i wish i could be there to hold his hand.
tomorrow, i have a soccer game. (yessss)
there is nothing like a bunch of really skilled tall dudes to exhaust the sadness out of me. haha
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| please |
[20 Sep 2007|12:28am] |
enough is enough...
i dont deserve this
i need help
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| "he was a gentleman and a gentle man" |
[19 Sep 2007|01:16am] |
I LOVE YOU GRANDPA!
I want you back. I am so tired of feeling this way. I am so grateful for everything that you have left with all of us. I will write more later. I cant right now.
Im so done with goodbyes....
Look after Kelly. she could use a guy like you xoxoxox
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| Holy Busy Batman |
[21 Aug 2007|12:42pm] |
Things:-
-Playing fall soccer with BSSC
-Busy but wonderful new job-more money, less stress. awesome
-sleep studies can fucking suck it.
-I am finally able to work out again after the old knee blew out (yesssss)
-Sunday nights drinking Bellinis with Joey, James, Sab, Wes, Nate, Erin, and Jess make me sad that summer is almost over
-Cats are both healthy and my new vet is obsessed with them!
-I AM LEAVING FOR NORTH CAROLINA FOR A WEEK OF BEACH AND SURFING IN 3 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!
-My dad started Chemotherapy yesterday. I dont know how I feel about this.
-Matt buys good food, I cook it. I like this arrangement cause I save money and I get to eat well. Im pretty sure he is pumped on it too.
-Kelly's mom emailed me. It made me really sad and really happy.
ohhhhk
back to work.
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| The art of smiling again.... |
[13 Aug 2007|05:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 busy |
] |
Today was my first real day at Reach Out and Read. Everything went even more smoothly than I anticipated. I was really confident in everything that I was doing and that made a pretty big difference. I was told by multiple people that this position will be what I make of it and that suits me well. I like jobs where I have the freedom to expand the position as I see fit. As much as I enjoy the the flexibility, I want to make sure that I am not stepping on anyones toes or making any changes that create work for someone else. I guess I am going to take time to feel out the position and see what is the best fit for the program.\
It was definitely hard to say goodbye to Horizons. It has been a huge part of my life for so long and the children really light me up. I had an intense conversation with a mom right before I left that made me doubt it was time to move on. But I really feel that its best. I hope that I am able to see the children from time to time. We did have a dinosaur party for me and it made me really happy to see everyone together one last time.
Ok. So, I havent done much updating since Ive written the post about Chicago. I am in the process of making a web album so the pictures for that will be available shortly (in addition to all of the pictures people have asked me for). Chicago was so beautiful and I was surprised to see how much of the city is catered to the people who live there and what is available. It seems so much more accessible than Boston in that way. The city planners have put time and energy into making a community it seems. I suppose it could be vacation goggles but I was impressed nonetheless.
This weekend was one of the more relaxing weekends I have had in quite some time. My sister came to visit with the baby which made everything seem more awesome. She got here on Friday night and Erin, Wes, and I were pregaming on the back porch. We hadnt really spent too much time together without a crowd so it was really nice to bro-down and talk about what everyone had been doing the past few months. Then my sister came and she was craving life outside of the country. So we all went to Newtowne(classy I know) and got a ton of pizza and beer and everyone got to really meet her. It made me happy to see all of my friends and my sister together so flawlessly. AND the baby slept through all of it! GOOOD BABY. haha. The next day my sister, Liam, and I went to the beach with one of her college friends. It was beautiful and it was the baby's first beach trip. I got to swim for a really long time and I got a nice base tan for North Carolina.
and then...
THE HOEDOWN! (YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS)
This was so much fun. Everyone really dressed up and stayed in character. It was a summerlicious party and one of the best parties I have been to in years. Erin and Nate put so much effort into it and it showed. Matt and I took our WANTED posters home for prosperity. There was a great deal of eating, drinking, and dancing. No scene. No bullshit! It was really wonderful to see everyone together.
The next day Matt brought me back to my place and He, his sister, my sister, and I went out to breakfast. It was a nice send off before her long trip home. I slept a bunch afterwards because I have been so busy and stressed about the new job/ending my time in direct care.
Coming up: Bouncing Souls (also, meeting matts ex!)
North Carolina (I already secured a surf board)
On a sadder note, My dad does need to have Chemotherapy. He will start this week. Its going to be really hard and I just can't help but feel slighted by the hand I have been dealt this year. I am really scared for my dad but not freaking out until there is reason to. I think that my family is so strong and we have so much support from friends so we are lucky.
My dad did feel well enough to quiz Matt about what he does and what kind of car he drives so it cant be all THAT bad. :)
I have also been thinking about the cosmic unfairness of Kelly's death. There were so many things on her horizon.. So many plans that we had discussed and so much to do. I really miss her. I have a hard time not thinking about her. I could really feel her absence at Nate and Erin's on Saturday. Now that the time for grieving is becoming less and less. I wonder how to make her part of me without completely sinking under the weight. I loved her. I miss her.
Thats about all I have for today.
LOVE!
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| i like winning |
[09 Aug 2007|02:08pm] |
i watched my soccer team take the bssc championships yesterday. they were amazing. the bench was wet and i got LOTS of mosquito bites. I plan on forcing my knee to be fixed by the fall.
yeah goalden shower
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| i used to long for time alone, i used to long for a place of my own |
[07 Aug 2007|02:00pm] |
chicago was incredible. i was so very busy every second of everyday,which being nora, suited me just fine.
i finally got to meet nikhack! we went to the chicago fire game on saturday and although uneventful, was monumental in that i got to finally hang out with my midwest girl. i would like to second her wish to have spent more time together but there is always boston (hint hint)
matt and i did everything possible to do in chicago. i dont even know where to start other than saying we were on the go for 12-15 hours a day and loved every minute of it. (and we didnt get sick of each other!) haha.
maybe ill post more later. i have to go back to work and i feel rushed.
i cant wait to see my boston loves tonight and dish the good details of this trip. yesssssssssssss.
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| Tomorrow |
[01 Aug 2007|06:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
Matt and I arrive in Chicago! We have the rockingest 5 days planned ever! And thanks to my love Nate Bisbee I can take a deep breath and enjoy it!
I love adventures.
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| it never ends |
[23 Jul 2007|01:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
the vt trip was called off because my dad was diagnosed with cancer. he is going for surgery this week. my poor mom!
and on a lesser but also frustrating note i dislocated my knee and now im on crutches. it wouldnt have been so bad if i didnt try to relocate it myself.
lame.
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| the other side of summer |
[17 Jul 2007|02:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bouncy |
] |
well things are pretty damn awesome right now
my soccer team rules. we always win which works out cause i hate losing.
did you know that you can do fun things all the time with someone you are dating? no seriously! its fantastic. i suggest it
.
i guess it should be said that matt and i have finally taken the plunge and decided we are going steady. hahah.
things that make me pumped about matt:
-he is thoughtful and deliberate.
-he bought me shin guards. (they are so romantic!)
-we went to maine and got lobsters.he made my aunt laugh a whole lot
-we went to connecticut, rhode island,and various other places around mass for day trips (holy shit! weekends can be used for doing stuff!)
-kiel started calling him 'hotcore' instead of hardcore. the name stuck with the group
- HE BOUGHT ME TICKETS TO CHICAGO! i said "i would really like to travel" he said "so where are we going?"
-we are going to see social d and bouncing souls.(two goals of mine)
-nate, erin, wes, sabreena, matt, and i are going to vt for the weekend. we are going to the alpine slide, to the res, and to the drive in movies! my mom is cooking for us and we will drink sangria and beer and relax. sooo pummped.
-we make each other laugh so hard that our back and face muscles start to hurt.
-seriously aweome at extra curricular activities.. mmmmm,
hahahah.
ok thats enough of that.
so far this summer has been amazing. lots of friends on porches with beers in our hands and smiles on our faces. lots of going to the beach with my favorites. lots going out and living. i feel so healthy and happy
oh yeah!
I HAVE AWESOME GIRLFRIENDS. Not just one! it rules. kim. k. sabreena. erin. fabulous. i feel like i found my place in mass.
if there was one good thing that kelly left me with it was to stop feeling so damn sorry for myself and DO things. she would be pumped on how much our group is doing together this year.
love. love. love.
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